


There Will Be Light

by mintwing



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:04:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintwing/pseuds/mintwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur, a troubled drug addict hits rock bottom. All hope has been lost until he meets the boy who is destined to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                "We're here, Mr. Pendragon."

                The car stopped in front of a run-down brick building. Perhaps if his Father had seen the building, he wouldn't have sent him. This was a part of the city that he’d never been to; the run-down buildings and littered sidewalks were all unfamiliar to him.

                Arthur got out of the car. The driver lowered the window.  "I'll be back in an hour,” he said.

                "Whatever," Arthur said. He could call a cab and leave whenever he liked. In fact, he planned on it. All he had to do was go in and make an appearance- there was usually a sign in sheet at these things.

                He trod up the steps into the building and pushed open the heavy door. It opened straight into the room that held the court-sanctioned recovery group.

                Surely enough, there was a table with a sign in sheet. Behind it sat a tired looking woman. She had frizzy hair and was likely thrilled to see him there today.

                "Hi there!" she said too enthusiastically. "I’m glad to see you here today! I'm Lorie, what’s your name?"

                "Arthur Pendragon."

                "Nice to meet you, Arthur!" she held out her hand and Arthur shook it half-heartedly. "There are cookies over there. Group discussion doesn't start for another ten minutes. It's the perfect time for you to get to know someone! I saw another boy your age come in a little while ago. I'm sure you two will get along just fine!"

                Arthur nodded and signed the sign in sheet, adding the time and date. The woman handed him a nametag. He walked away from the table before crumpling it up and throwing it into a trash bin. His eyes flicked down to his watch. The actual group didn’t start for a ten more minutes. Ten minutes was enough time for people to see him there, and he could still leave before he had to do any sharing.

                Since he was eighteen when it all happened, he'd been tried as an adult. In short, he spent a lot of time in adult support groups. These people weren't the same as he was. They were here as established drug addicts who had finally crossed the line when they stole money from their kids or hit rock bottom. Arthur didn't even have a drug habit.

                He wandered over to the table and grabbed one of the store bought cookies and looked around the room. It was filled like they all were. These people were several years older than him, except for one boy. He was standing in the corner holding a paper cup filled with lemonade. He had dark brown hair, a tan jacket, and gaze that locked with Arthur. Arthur nodded at him, dumbstruck.

                "Gather round!" Arthur looked over and saw Lorie standing in a circle of chairs. "It looks like everyone's here, so we're going to start early today!" She was beaming.

                _Shit, too late to leave now._ Arthur sluggishly walked over to the circle. The boy was already sitting down with the chairs on either side of him full, so Arthur chose a seat directly across from him. Arthur tried to make eye contact, but the boy was glaring at the floor.

                "Good afternoon!" Lorie shouted. "I'm just so _blessed_ to have you all here today! Why don't we go around the circle and say our names? We have quite a few new faces here with us tonight."

                The people in the circle said their names, but the boy's was the only one that mattered. Arthur looked at him intently.

                "Merlin," they boy said when his turn had come. He hadn't looked at Arthur. Arthur said his name when the time came.

                "And as you all know, I'm Lorie. Why don't we go around and say something about our week now?"

                When it was Merlin's turn, he said nothing. He just kept starring at the floor. Lorie waited a moment and then went on to the next person in the group. It was as if she’d done this with him before.

                When it came to Arthur, he followed Merlin's lead. He just shrugged and let the group go on without him. After they had gone around, Lorie kept asking the group questions and going around the circle to answer. This woman really loved circles. 

                Arthur managed to stay silent during the entire session. He even managed to tune Lorie out, for the most part. Merlin went through the entire session silent, too.

                When Lorie finally dismissed them, Arthur quickly got out of his seat to leave. He intended to at least say hello to the boy with the nice hair and the angry aurora, but he hadn't even budged from his chair.

                Arthur went out the doors and down the steps. The driver hadn't come yet, even though it had been longer than an hour. He dug his hands deep into the pocket of his jacket in an attempt to dull the bitter cold.

                He sat down on the steps as he waited. After a few minutes, he turned around and saw Merlin standing behind him.

                "Cold out, isn't it?" Arthur said. There was no one else around them and he hoped Merlin would speak, but he said nothing. Arthur sighed.

                "I think my driver didn't show on purpose. Usually I don't stay, so why would he come?" Arthur turned around to look at Merlin, who rolled his eyes.

                "You're just a spoiled rich kid," said Merlin. Arthur knew that it was true. Spoiled rich kid had always been a huge part of his apparent ego.

                "You don't think I know that?" Arthur retorted. It sounded harsher than he had meant it. "Sorry."

                "Whatever, prat."

                "What's your deal? The whole silent thing must have a killer backstory," Arthur said.

                "It's none of your business," Merlin said. He sat down, his back to the wall.

                "I'm just curious. Where's your ride?" Arthur asked.

                "Probably drunk at a bar somewhere."

                "You got a cell phone?" Arthur asked. His phone had been disconnected after he started "acting out".

                "No. Rich kid doesn't have his own phone?"

                "Nope."

                "Did Daddy stop paying the bill for you?"

                "Why did you judge me so quickly? What could you possibly already hate me for?" Arthur turned to face him.

                “You’re just a stuck up jerk.”

                “You don’t know me.”

                “Your face is all over the tabloids. The Pendragon heir has a drug problem. No one’s surprised.”

                Arthur stood up, now towering above Merlin. “I think that you’re the stuck up jerk in this situation.”

                “You want to prove me wrong?” Merlin said sassily. Arthur was never one to back down from a social challenge.

                “Yeah, I’ll try,” he said. Just then, his car and driver pulled up. He knew that this wasn’t helping his case. “Come on. We’ll give you a ride home.”

                “If it weren’t stupid cold out here, I’d never say yes,” Merlin stood up and followed Arthur to the car, stomping the entire way. The driver had gotten out and opened the door for them. Arthur could tell that Merlin wasn’t sure how to act. Judging by his threadbare clothes, Merlin wasn’t exactly well-off.

                “Where are you from?” asked Arthur.

                “Just west of here.”

                Merlin would speak to the driver to give directions, but he hardly spoke to Arthur, despite his countless attempts. They finally pulled up to a run-down stone building in a bad part of town. It was practically crumbling where it stood, and Arthur wondered if it was even safe to live in.

                “Hey,” Arthur said. Merlin was already getting out of the car. “Do you want to go get lunch tomorrow?”

                “Are you buying?” Merlin asked. Arthur’s eyes flickered from Merlin, in his threadbare clothes, to the run-down apartment building.

                “If it’s not too rich kid of me, yeah, I’m buying.”

                “Fine.”

                “I’ll pick you up at noon,” Arthur said.

                “See you then,” Merlin said. He slammed the door.


	2. Chapter 2

                It was nearing noon and Arthur couldn’t decide what to wear. None of his clothes felt like they suited him today. He didn’t normally put this much effort into his appearance, but he wanted to prove to Merlin that he was more than just a spoiled rich kid. Wearing designer clothes certainly wasn’t going to help his case. Most of his shirts were either stamped with designer labels.

                In the end, Arthur settled on a plain red long-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. He messed up his hair the way he liked it, and then he grabbed his car keys. There would be no driver today. He wanted to impress Merlin, but not in the usual way he that he impressed people. Most people were drawn to his wealth, but not Merlin. He was repulsed by it.

                Arthur wished that he had a different car to pick up Merlin in. His sports car probably wouldn’t help his case. Nonetheless, it was all he had. Arthur was walking towards the garage when he heard the front door open behind him.

                “Where are you going?” Arthur stopped in his tracks and took a deep breath. It was his Father standing on the porch, still in his pajamas.

                “I’m just going out for a bit.”

                “You didn’t call for a driver?” he asked. His arms were folded over his chest.

                “No, I’m driving myself. I’ll be back later,” he turned around and started walking towards the garage.

                “Are you going to run off and pick up the drugs again?” his Father shouted after him.

                “I’m just going out for a bit! All I’m doing is going out for lunch!”

                “If you disgrace the family name one more time, I’m cutting you off. Just remember that,” Arthur kept walking as his Father’s words rang out into the open air.

                Arthur rolled his eyes. “Bye,” he said. His Father was too far away to hear. Arthur pulled the directions he had printed off out of his pocket and laid them on the console. He took a deep breath and started to drive.

~

                Merlin was sitting on the steps in front of the apartment building when Arthur pulled up. The building looked different in the daylight. It was four stories tall and made of crumbling brick. Black paint was chipping off the front, and many of the windows had been boarded over.

                Merlin opened the door and climbed in. “Nice car,” he said.

                “Thanks,” Arthur said nervously. He wondered if he should have gotten out to greet Merlin, or maybe even open the door for him.

                “So where are we going?” Merlin asked, fastening his seatbelt.

                “I don’t know, I thought I’d let you pick,” he said. He pulled away from the curb and started to drive down the street.

                “There’s a sandwich shop just west of here that isn’t too bad,” he said. Arthur noticed that Merlin had started refusing eye contact again.

                “I could go for a sandwich,” Arthur said. He instinctively reached for his phone to type the location into his GPS before he remembered that he didn’t have a phone anymore. “Can you give me directions?”

                “Yeah, just keep going straight.”

                “So, how’s your day been?” Arthur asked. He watched Merlin shift in his seat.

                “Well, nothing to hide. I’m in a drug addict support group, so obviously things are pretty shitty most of the time. What about you?”

                “Not great.”

                “What did you get sentenced for? Party drugs?”

                “I don’t want to talk about it,” Arthur said defensively.

                “So party drugs, then. Figures,” Merlin said. He cackled and looked out the window.

                “It wasn’t party drugs. What did you get sentanced for?”

                “Accidental overdose. I couldn’t sleep so I grabbed some of my Mum’s pills. Took a handful too many, I guess.” Merlin said casually. Arthur doubted that it was as simple as Merlin said that it was. Arthur grimaced. He and Merlin were opposites. Arthur had taken a handful too few. He didn’t understand how Merlin could talk so casually about it.

                “Take a left here,” Merlin said. “We’re almost there.”

                Arthur took the rest of Merlin’s directions and they eventually pulled up in front of a small sandwich shop. “How quaint,” he said.

                Merlin and Arthur got out of the car and walked in together. The shop wasn’t a place that Arthur would have chosen to eat at. The building was made from industrial sheet metal siding, as if it were originally a barn. The floor was bare concrete and the tables looked decrepit. The furniture and decorations were outdated and most of them were covered in a thin layer of dust and grime. Minus the dust, this looked like one of the hipster restaurants that he and his friends had so excitedly sought out in high school.

                Merlin went up to the counter and had already ordered by the time Arthur had read half of the menu, which was written in sloppy handwriting on a chalkboard that was hanging behind the counter. Merlin folded his arms over his chest and looked at Arthur impatiently.

                “You’re taking too long,” said Merlin.

                “Just give me a second,” Arthur said. He was reading the menu as fast as he could, but the lines of the menu were starting to dance. The letters blurred into one another.

                “He’ll have turkey on rye,” Merlin told the cashier.

                “But I wanted a-“ Arthur began to protest but was secretly relieved that Merlin had made the decision for him.

                “Everyone likes turkey sandwiches, they’re a staple,” Merlin said.

                Arthur pulled out his wallet and swiped his credit card to pay for their meal. The cost of two meals at this small sandwich shop was half the cost of an appetizer at the restaurants his Father forced him to go to.

                Merlin and Arthur stood at the counter as they watched the cashier make their sandwiches through a window to the back of the restaurant.

                “So do you eat here a lot?” Arthur asked.

                “I don’t eat out much, but I used to date someone from here.”

                “For the free food?” Arthur said jokingly. Merlin looked down at the ground.

                “Yeah,” Merlin said, deadpan. Something in his tone told Arthur that he wasn’t kidding.

                “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to –“ Arthur said, trying to backtrack. He never thought that Merlin might have actually done that.

                “You didn’t know. It’s pretty pathetic, really,” Merlin said. Arthur didn’t know what to say.

                The cashier came back out with their sandwiches. Arthur took the tray and followed Merlin over to a table by the window.

                Merlin grabbed his sandwich and started picking at it.

                “So,” Arthur said, “Where do you go to school at?”

                “I’m a drop out.”

                “I’m in school, still. Or, I guess I was. I don’t think I’ll get to go back there again,” Arthur said. He still wasn’t sure if it bothered him or not.

                “Why not?” Merlin asked, taking a bite from his sandwich.

                “I’m in a lot of trouble,” he said, looking down at his meal. He wanted nothing more than a nice cup of tea right now. “National fuckups don’t usually get to go to top ranked high schools.”

                “So tell me why,” Merlin said.

                Arthur took a bite of his sandwich, giving him time to think while he chewed. Merlin waited, staring him in the eye.

                “I tried to kill myself,” Arthur said. “But my Father didn’t want to have a suicidal son. So he covered it up; had me labeled as a drug addict. That doesn’t look as bad in the press, I guess.”

                Now it was Merlin’s turn to be silent. Arthur looked out the window to the street outside, bustling with people.

                “That’s tough,” Merlin said.

                “Yeah, it is,” Arthur said quietly. “Now tell me your story,” he said, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest.

                “I just have a drug problem. It’s really that simple.”

                “I’m sure that it is,” Arthur said skeptically. He took a large bite out of my sandwich. “How’d you get started?”

                Merlin shrugged. “Something to do, I guess.”

                “You started just like that?” Arthur asked. He couldn’t understand why someone would just do drugs.

                “Not a lot to do when you’re unemployed and bored. How’d they pass you out as an addict?” Merlin asked.

                “Rehab. Father knew a guy and had my label changed. I sat through a bunch of ‘help’ that didn’t mean a damn thing.”

                “Why do you keep calling him Father? It’s kind of weird,” Merlin said, eating more of his sandwich.

                Arthur shrugged. “It’s always been that way. I guess that it’s because it makes everything sound so much more formal.” They kept eating in silence. Arthur finished before Merlin, and he sat silently while he waited for Merlin to finish eating. Their conversation had died.

                Merlin took the last bite out of his sandwich. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “So what next?” he asked.

                Arthur hadn’t considered that there would be a next. He had planned on he and Merlin going to lunch and then parting ways, but something inside him told him that the day was still young. “What do you want to do?”

                “Nothing planned, huh?”

                Arthur shook his head.

                “We could just walk around, I guess. Wait for something interesting to just come out of nowhere.”

                “Okay,” Arthur said. He stood up and stretched while Merlin cleaned their trash off of the table. Merlin threw away their rubbish and they wandered outside the restaurant.

                “Do you know this part of town?” Arthur asked. “I’ve never really been down here.”

                “Lucky for you, this is the only part of town I know all that well. Unlucky for you, there’s hardly anything here. There is one thing, though,” he said. He grabbed Arthur’s arm and Arthur cringed in surprise.  Merlin was oblivious as he drug him down the street, past boarded up shops with broken glass and trash on the sidewalks.

                “Where are we going?” Arthur pulled his arm free from Merlin’s grip and fell into step beside him.

                “We’re going to a nice place in a terrible part of town,” Merlin said triumphantly.

                “I’ll take your word for it,” Arthur was having trouble believing that there was anything worth seeing in this part of town. The further they got away from the sandwich shop, the scarier the town seemed to get. The sidewalks were dirtier now, and occasionally they passed people sleeping curled up next to buildings.

                “We’re almost there,” Merlin said. They’d walked far enough that now there were hardly buildings. The scenery was changing from a rundown town into overgrown fields of grass, dotted with trees.

                The trees got thicker and thicker. “I thought you said that we were almost there? We’ve been walking for half an hour.”

                Merlin laughed. “I keep forgetting that you aren’t used to having to walk everywhere. This is nothing for me.”

                “Yeah, I’m not used to this, and I’m getting tired. You should have told me how far it was. We could have just driven.”

                “But then you wouldn’t see the scenery,” Merlin argued. Arthur rolled his eyes. He certainly wouldn’t call some overgrown grass and a few trees worthy scenery.

                “We’re almost there, for real this time. Now follow me,” Merlin said. He grabbed Arthur’s arm once more, but this time, Arthur didn’t protest. He followed Merlin away from the road and into the woods.

                “You’re not dragging me back here to kill me, are you?” Arthur asked, mostly kidding.

                “Would I tell you if I was?” Merlin asked. “There,” he stopped and Arthur bumped into him. In front of them was a large tree with a treehouse built into it. It was covered in graffiti, but not like all of the graffiti that they had passed on the way there. The paint on the side of the treehouse and the surrounding trees was more of a kind of art than graffiti.

                Around the base of the treehouse tree were several weather-beaten couches. Beer bottles lined the forest floor, and Arthur stepped over them as he followed Merlin towards the treehouse. “What is this place?” Arthur asked.

                “It’s just a place for people to gather.”

                “So parties?”

                “Yeah. But you should see the treehouse from the inside,” Merlin said. He started climbing the wooden pegs up to the treehouse and Arthur followed timidly.

                He crawled in behind Merlin. The inside of the treehouse was larger than he had expected it to be. The inside was full of unlit candles and beanbag chairs. It smelled distinctly of cigarette smoke. It took him a moment to realize in the darkness that the smell of the smoke was more than just a permanent lingering scent. Merlin was sitting on the other side of the treehouse smoking a cigarette.  

                “So, have you got a girlfriend?” Merlin asked, blowing smoke at the ceiling.

                “Not for a while, no,” Arthur said casually.

                “That’s a surprise.  You seem like quite the ladies’ man,” Merlin blew a smoke ring into the air. Arthur could have sworn that he saw a dragon shaped figure in the smoke, but he figured that it was just another hallucination from the meds that he was on.

                “Great. What about you? Have you got a girlfriend?” Arthur asked. Merlin snorted.

                “I’m not really in for a relationship right now.”

                “What happened between you and the girl at the sandwich shop?”

                “First of all, it was a guy. Second of all, it was just for the food. He used way too much tongue for me to want anything else.”

                “I didn’t need to know that second part,” Arthur said. “Have you got a match? It’s awfully dark in here. Plus, this place needs windows, especially if people smoke in here. Gosh.”

                Merlin dug a lighter out of his pocket and tossed it towards Arthur. Arthur grabbed a stubby candle from off of the floor next to him. He fumbled with the lighter, finally getting the candle lit after several failed attempts.

                The candle light cast an eerie glow on the inside of the treehouse. From what Arthur could see, the floor was littered with empty beer cans and cigarette butts. “How do you know about this place?” Arthur asked.

                “There’s not much to do around here,” Merlin took a drag off of his cigarette, “So we party.”

                Arthur pulled his knees to his chest and looked at Merlin in the candle light. His clothes weren’t dirty, but they were ragged. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. His hair was clean and ruffled. Under his eyes were thick bags from exhaustion. A five o clock shadow traced the outline of his jaw. Arthur caught himself starting at the cigarette dangling from Merlin’s lips. “That’s not a lot different than what goes on in my area, and there are apparently tons of options.”

                “We’re all the same in the end,” Merlin said. Arthur stared at the smoke from his cigarette, which danced to the ceiling in perfect swirls. He was going to ask to have his medications adjusted again. The cigarette smoke’s unnatural shapes were bringing back the hallucinations and the memories that he had worked so hard to silence.

                “Would you mind putting out the cigarette?” Arthur asked. He couldn’t stand to look at the smoke anymore. Merlin raised his eyebrows and dropped the cigarette to the wooden floor. He put the flame out with the tip of his boot.

                They sat in the darkness until Merlin broke the silence. “Have any hobbies?” he asked.

                “Not really,” Arthur said. “You?”

                “Not really. God, we suck.”

                “No kidding,” Arthur said. He picked up a string from the ground and was fiddling with it in his fingers.  “I don’t leave the house much anymore.”

                “What’s your deal?” Merlin asked bluntly.

                “I don’t have a ‘deal.’ I don’t even know what you mean,” Arthur wanted to avoid this topic. He didn’t want to think about it.

                “You know what I mean. You don’t seem like the recluse type.”

                “You’re being judgmental again,” Arthur said. He could see the corners of Merlin’s mouth flicker up into a smile in the darkness. “I think that you have a hobby.”

                “Oh really? What is it?”

                “It’s being a fucking prat,” he joked. Merlin laughed.

                “I think you’re quite versed in that yourself, _your highness_.”

                Arthur let out a full laugh, deeper than any laugh that he had for the long time. He leaned back and slammed his head against the wall with a loud _thump_. “Ow!”

                “Are you alright?” Merlin asked. He crawled over, and when Arthur opened his eyes, Merlin’s face was only inches from his own. He was close enough that Arthur could smell his breath. Merlin smelled like cigarette smoke and wood. He caught himself leaning in to breath his scent in deeper.

                “Is it bleeding?” Arthur asked. He put his hand to the back of his head and felt something warm and sticky. Merlin crawled closer and put his hand to the back of Arthur’s head and ran it through his hair. His first impulse was to tense up, but he let him relax. There was something about Merlin’s touch that made the pain subside, inside and out; it sounded like Merlin was mumbling something in another language, but Arthur attributed it back to the hallucinations.

                “I think you hit it on a nail,” Merlin said. He let go of Arthur’s head. “It was bleeding a little bit, but I think that it… stopped.”

                “Thank you,” Arthur said.

                “I didn’t do anything,” Merlin said too quickly. “I mean, maybe we should get down and head back to town. You should probably have that looked at.”

                Arthur’s heart sank as Merlin crawled away from him and over to the latter. Just like that, the moment was over.


	3. Chapter 3

                Arthur still wasn’t sure what had happened in the tree house. After he dropped Merlin off at his house, Arthur had come straight home. He went to the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His head didn’t hurt at all, but there was a section of his hair that was matted with blood. He ran his fingers through his hair, searching for a scab or a cut, but there was none. He’d called in the maid to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating the existence of the blood, but she saw it too, and like him, she couldn’t find the spot where he had been pierced by the nail.

                Hands shaking, he dialed the number for his therapist. “I think I need my mediations adjusted again,” he said into the phone. Without even requesting to see Arthur or asking about his wellbeing, the Doctor wrote the prescription and ordered it to the pharmacy.

                Arthur thought back to what had happened in the treehouse. There had been something about Merlin’s touch that had melted him. His muscles had relaxed and the pain subsided. In that moment, even his anxieties melted away, just for that moment… How could one person’s touch be so powerful? Arthur knew that he hadn’t been social in a long time, but he certainly wasn’t that desperate. There was something special about Merlin. His hallucinations acted up whenever he was around, but it was an addicting kind of relaxation. If he had to be addicted to something new, he would be okay if it was Merlin.

                He wished that he had taken the time to schedule another afternoon with Merlin. It was the best that he had felt in a long time.

 

                The next Tuesday, Arthur found himself doing something that he had never done before; he went back to the very same support group. He still didn’t want the support; he was after the boy with the hazel eyes and the smoky scarf.

                The same overly enthusiastic woman greeted him at the door. “Arthur! It’s nice to see you back again. I hope your week has gone well?” Arthur shrugged and signed his name to the attendance sheet. He wasn’t here for her, he was here for Merlin.

                The room was packed with the same general assortment of people. He saw Merlin in the corner and started walking over, palms sweating. His heart rate increased. Arthur wished he wasn’t nervous, but he was desperate for Merlin’s touch.  He craved the feeling that it gave him.

                “Hey,” Arthur said, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. He looked Merlin up and down. Not a lot had changed, but he looked more tired. He was wearing the same clothes as he had been last week and his hair was greasier. “How has your week been?”

                “Shitty,” Merlin said flatly. He took a sip from the paper cup that he was holding. “And yours?”

                “More or less the same,” Arthur said. He left out the part where he had spent most of his time thinking of him.

                “I didn’t think you’d actually come back to this group,” Merlin said. “I sure wouldn’t.”

                “I didn’t either, but my Father made me,” he lied. He was sure that his Father would have been reactionless about another group change. He hadn’t even been surprised when Arthur hadn’t put up a fight this morning; it was as if he’d emotionally distanced himself from Arthur to the point of no return. Arthur had thought that returning to the same group would illicit some kind of relief from him, but there was nothing. He had even made Arthur take along the driver as a babysitter again.

                “That sucks, I guess,” said Merlin.

                “Why do you keep coming back?” Arthur asked. He looked around the room. People were starting to congregate around the chairs in the sharing circle. For once in his life, he wanted the moment before group started to last just a little bit longer.

                “It makes my Uncle happy, which makes my Mum happy. Just showing up makes them feel a little bit better. I don’t actually have to share anything, so it helps. For them, I mean.”

                “That makes sense,” Arthur said. Just then, the perky lady called the group to session. While they had been talking, most of the others had sat down. Arthur’s eyes scanned the circle and his heart wrenched as he realized that there weren’t two open seats next to each other. As casually as he could, he separated from Merlin and went to sit down. Merlin sat down on the opposite side of the circle, almost directly across from Arthur. He tried to make eye contact, but Merlin’s eyes were glued to the floor.

                Group session this week went exactly like last week’s for Merlin and Arthur; they each gave their name and stated that they were doing fine. Nothing more, nothing less. When group was over, Arthur lingered by the front doors, waiting for Merlin. He wasn’t sure what was taking him so long.

                Arthur leaned up against a column and tried to look cool. Every time that he heard the doors swing open behind him, he turned around, hoping to see Merlin. After a few minutes, Merlin came out and stood beside him. Arthur kept looking forwards, surprisingly clueless on what to say next.

                He could see his breath flaring out in front of him in the chilly autumn air. He shoved his hands into his pockets while Merlin stood next to him, rigid. It was as if Merlin was wholly unaffected by the cold.

                “Aren’t you cold?” Arthur asked, “I’m bloody freezing.”

                “I’m used to the cold,” Merlin said. Arthur watched the fog of Merlin’s breath flaring out of his mouth with every breath. Like the cigarette smoke, it looked like he could see dancing figures in Merlin’s breath. Apparently having his medications adjusted hadn’t helped. He could feel his heartbeat quicken and his chest tighten. He’d have to call the doctor again.

                “I’m not,” Arthur said. “Do you need a ride again?”

                “Nah, I can walk.”

                “It’s freezing out. It’s the least that I can do. Plus, I don’t have anything better to do.”

                “If you insist,” Merlin shrugged, seemingly uncaring.

                “The driver isn’t here yet. I think that I saw a café down the street. Want to get something to eat?” Arthur asked. Merlin nodded and they set off down the street.

                They found themselves in a quaint diner on a street corner a block away from where the support group was held. A bell above the door chimed as they walked in. It was nothing fancy, but it felt welcoming and cozy. Arthur was just happy to be out of the cold.

                Arthur followed Merlin over to a booth in the corner and sat down across from him. A waitress came over to take their orders. Arthur ordered a cup of coffee and Merlin ordered some pie.

                “So… What did you think of group today?” Arthur hadn’t been sure what else to ask.

                “Do you really want to talk about it?” Merlin said mockingly.

                “Not really. I didn’t know what else to say,” Arthur grabbed the salt shaker and started spinning it in the center of the table.

                “Fine. How’s your week been?” Merlin asked.

                “We already had this conversation. We both had shitty weeks, more or less.”

                “I guess you’re right. That salt shaker is pretty fascinating, huh?”

                “No, I just can’t sit still. I’ve never been able to. I always have to fiddle with something or else my head gets crazy.”

                “I think that’s why I smoke. It keeps things in check. It used to, at least.”

                “I’ve never tried smoking,” Arthur said.

                “Don’t start, it’s a dirty habit. Especially if you don’t feel like you need to. There’s better stuff to calm the nerves than a cigarette.”

                “I try not to take too much. Outside of what the give me, I mean.”

                “Staying clean?”

                “I guess. I’ve never been into the mind altering stuff, I guess.”

                “You never did tell me how you got stuck in this support group hell. What’d you do, anyways?” Merlin said. His eyes gleamed and Arthur felt the pressure to spill everything. He looked at Merlin again and finally broke down. He put his head in his hands.

                “I’ve only done drugs one time,” he started. He didn’t want to continue, but he couldn’t stop now. “I… I got low. Things weren’t going well and I’ve always had a lot of anxiety anyways, so I just decided that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I wanted to be done. So I took a bunch of sleeping pills.” Merlin was silent. Arthur’s lips quivered, “I just wanted to be done. But the maid found me in the bathroom… I got taken to the hospital. My Father was pissed. He didn’t want to deal with another family scandal, so he covered it up. Played it off as a misguided teen that was into drugs. He never dealt with it, and now… now I’m here.”

                Tears were streaming down his face. It was the first time that he had talked about it. In the hospital, he hadn’t even told the doctor’s and psychiatrists about this. He’d played into his Father’s hands for some reason, summing it up to a party drug experiment gone wrong. Merlin was the first person that he had told, his only confidant.

                Merlin didn’t say anything, but he reached his arm across the table and took Arthur’s hand in his own while Arthur cried. Merlin plucked a napkin from the metal dispenser and dabbed at the tears that were streaming down Arthur’s cheeks. Once more, Merlin’s touch made Arthur want to melt.

                “I’m sorry,” Merlin whispered. Arthur wasn’t thinking clearly. He wasn’t sure if he couldn’t see straight because of the tears welling up in his eyes or if he was hallucinating again. Without a word, the waitress brought Arthur a steaming cup of black coffee and Merlin his pie. Even when Merlin reached for his fork, he kept Arthur’s hand entangled in his free hand. It was Arthur’s tether to the real world as his mind started slipping back into his dark place. He wished that Merlin would never let go.

                “Thank you,” Arthur whispered. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Merlin’s gaze. “I’ve never told anyone before,” he admitted.

                “That’s some tough shit,” Merlin said. He squeezed Arthur’s hand. He could feel himself relax. Arthur couldn’t help but notice the way that the sunlight cast a glow onto Merlin’s face, and it was at that moment that he realized it; even in the cool coldest of times, there was warmth, and Merlin was the center.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far! If you have any comments or suggestions about where you think that the story should go next, please leave a comment! It's wonderful motivation to keep writing. Constructive criticism and critiques are also welcome!


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